Ok, this entry is going to be about something a little more personal. But I promise that I'm not gonna get soft and suddenly turn this journal into a gossip journal, or a relationship journal, or...ummm...or any other kind of boring journal...OK, boring is relative...seen in the eye of the beholder...so let me just get on with my point.
Trying to get my own business running, I've been successful most of the time, and non-successful some of the time. I'm an electrician. I have a license and I have the skills to perform the work. Over the last two years, I've been able to have my own business and survive. I used a taxi driving job to get me through last winter, but this winter I hoped that I wouldn't need it. I probably should have done it, but oh well. So times are tough, and I have to do some other things to stay alive and keep my bills current. My payment of bills have been lacking, and now I'm just trying to stay alive until all this snow stops and I can get back to doing some work.
My father is getting divorced from his wife, and she is making it very hard for him by lying to the government, family and friends. But he presses on, trying to secure his own life. He had some health problems that slowed him down a few years ago, but when he was able to get a job he started to take over the finances of his household. He discovered that his soon to be ex-wife was blowing money left and right. He started to get everything in order because he is very good at developing systems to solve problems. So now that they are split up, he has survived very well without her.
So this led me to allow him to start devising plans so my business could thrive. I trust his actions, and I trust that he can devise a system so my business could be better then it ever has been. He and I have been doing everything to find a way to make my own business be a productive business. I have faith that this will lead us to success.
So today when he was helping me drive around to take care of some things, and get things going I expressed my appreciation for his help. I expressed it in a joke. I told him that I was going to buy him a retirement home, instead of putting him in a retirement home.
He said, "Prick." But he was joking. Then he told me that he couldn't believe how long it had taken to say that to me without being considered a bad father. We all like to make fun of each other, and make jokes. But the man knew that a good father would never call his son a prick when his son was a child. He and I laughed about the fact that he probably could have called me a prick plenty of times when I was young. But he knew that he could damage me in my younger years with a statement like that.
Now that we have been talking so much, he knows that I know that he was treating me the same way as my friends would treat me. I am a man, and men like to make fun of each other. I don't think it was the first time he treated me as an adult, but it was a good feeling for my father and I to share a joke that most friends would joke about plenty. It solidified the fact that I would actually rather buy him a retirement home than put him in one.
If your mother and/or father doesn't represent this kind of relationship, you have two choices that will do anybody any good. Reach out and try to share our natural humanity with each other. If that doesn't work, then you only have one choice. Break the chain. Treat your children, or even other children with some respect. Give them everything you can to get them to feel better about life. It's always the parents fault. When it isn't the parents fault, it is because the parents parents were at fault...but let's not let this continue. Break the chain...be the first to change the direction of the children.. Don't be selfish, just fix the problem. I don't know what else to say.
4 comments:
I am Jay's father and for many years, I did my best to maintain my relationship as Father and son. As he grew older, I decided that he had grown to the point that he and I could be adults who are friends, without losing our Father/son relationship. I am confident that there will be times that I say, "Jay, this is your Father talking." And he will know to respect my words. Other times, it's merely, two men (friends) conversing.
There are many opinions that Jay shares that I disagree with. However, as I try to argue, I can't. Why? Because he has covered his points very well. And, I, as a debater, have a hard time breaking down his arguments.
I'll leave you with this: Jay debates well. He lives in Massachusetts. That makes him a Mass debater.
Steve
I can relate to this posting and I especially liked the response from Jay's father. I as a parent am at the point in my life that I can look at my daughter when she says something to me that I want to get her goat, I simply say EAT DIRT!! The very first time I did this to her she was drinking a cup of coffee and it splattered all over the floor. I laughed so hard and so did she. I Have that closeness with my daughter that most parents don't have. I do as your dad does at times, Jay, I will tell her things that she knows are coming from her mom and other times we talk like we are best friends. I love my relationship with my daughter and I worked hard to make us a "team".
She has told me things in fun and I retaliate back in fun, but never with the intent of hurting one another. These types of realtionships just don't happen. It takes a lot of work and love and trust in each other to bring about this special feeling for each other.
In addition to the friends relationship with Jay. Although I am old enough to be the father of Jay's friends (well, I can't be my own Dad), I feel accepted in his group of friends. Several call me me 'Pops' and there are very few times (if any) that I am not welcome when they are together. I bring a sense of humor that they appreciate. Yes, a few times, I may have to 'plain my joke. But, I usually get at least a chuckle. And some of my jokes are 'old' but, I can be up-to-date, too. For instance, there's a new movie about Michael Jackson. It's called Close Encounters With the Third Grade. Jay says I'm witty. I think he's half right. My point is, I stay young by listening to a younger type of humor.
My whole point is basic: If you, as a parent, act adult, then you can recognize when your child becomes an adult, and act accordingly. Yes, there several stages of adulthood. Identifying those stages as they develop, helps your relationship.
Steve
Jay & Steve, I have always had the trust and respect from all of my childrens friends. I am open-minded and I will listen and give my opinion with out judging anyone elses. These children are grown and still come here to visit and talk and once in a while to discuss something that really bothers them. They know that I wont turn on them, or belittle them in any way. Many parents cant talk to their kids because they dont want to spend that time away from their own enjoyment. or their too busy working to get all those important material things that these kids just "have to have". I am invited to all birthdays, christmas parties and any other social function that these young people have because there is a mutual respect for each other here.
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