Sometimes I have to wonder

So I'm looking at my computer screen, and AOL puts up a story about getting out of speeding tickets...or at least avoiding them.  I'm all for that, but what is curious to me is that AOL is basically telling people how to get away with breaking the law.  I don't mind breaking the law, but I didn't think that AOL could actually make it so obvious.  Are we finally at the point where it doesn't matter about this stupid trivial shit (I.E. traffic citations) or is it that the authorities might not notice this kind of report?  Here is the report as of today April 28, 2006...if this link doesn't work, it is because they have pulled it off the internet.

 

http://autos.aol.com/article/general/v2/_a/dont-get-caught/20060421145909990001

 

 

If that is the case, then here you go:

 

Death and taxes may be inevitable, but getting a traffic ticket isn't -- even if you don't always obey the speed limit. Here are some tips to keep you running under the radar:

 

Don't speed excessively: If you do, your car will stand out -- and getting noticed is just one step away from getting caught. Excessive speed is also just that -- excessive. It's one thing to drive 70-something with the flow of traffic -- quite another to be running 20 mph faster than the other cars around you. Most cops consider the first a "technical foul" at worst. They might write you up -- but they also know (even if they won't say it out loud) that you're not necessarily doing anything genuinely unsafe. But expect no mercy if you're blowing past other cars at 90-plus.

 

Run with the pack: There is safety in numbers (just ask a herd of wildebeests facing down a pack of hungry lions). By finding a couple of cars doing about the same speed and sticking with them, you automatically increase the odds in your favor by a multiple of however many cars happen to be around you. If you hit a radar trap, the cop can only single out one car. It might be you, of course. But your chances of being the one he goes after are much lower than they would be if you were bulleting along on your lonesome.

 

Find a "blocker" car: In the classic movie, 'Smokey and the Bandit' it was Burt Reynolds' job to sidetrack lurking cops with his fast-moving Trans-Am, so that his partner's semi full of bootleg beer could blast on through unnoticed. You can use the same principle on long highway trips. There's almost always another car moving at a good clip. What you want to do is ease in behind that car -- and follow him as long as you can. If there are cops lurking ahead, the blocker car will hit them first. Leave at least five or six car lengths between you, if possible (this will keep the other driver from noticing you're back there, or at the very least, reduce the chances he'll start busting moves to get away from you).

 

Don't be a 'Frogger': Cars that weave and make constant lane changes are the cars that tend to get noticed -- both by cops and truckers with CB radios (who will sometimes put in a friendly call to Johnny Law on your behalf, if you're acting like a moron). Good driving is smooth driving. Anticipate the need to make a lane change and only do so when necessary to maintain your pace. Constant jockeying for position (and related misbehaviors such as tailgating) increase your chances of both a ticket -- and an accident.

 

Maintain "situational awareness": Fighter pilots use this term to describe their practice of constantly scanning the area around them -- in order to anticipate and react to changing conditions as quickly as possible. The principle is just as important on four wheels -- whether you're trying to avoid a ticket or just trying to avoid a wreck. Clues that a cop might be up ahead include traffic suddenly slowing down for no apparent reason, or bunching up and refusing to pass a nondescript-looking white sedan. Take the time to notice those little cutouts by the side of the road where cops tend to sit running radar. If you get good at it, you'll be able to slow gradually as you come upon them without having to stab your brakes -- and just ease on by without raising any hackles.

 

Know the enemy: Despite the lucky fact that most police departments in this country overwhelmingly use a few very specific (and easy to spot) types of cars for traffic enforcement, many drivers haven't taken the time to burn the profile of these vehicles into memory. Always be wary when a plain-looking Chevy Impala or Ford Crown Victoria rolls in behind you -- or if you see one up ahead. Approach slowly until you get close enough to make the ID. If it's a cop, you'll probably be able to see the blue lights on the rear speaker shelf -- or the telltale spotlight on the driver's side door. Other clues include numerous antennae -- and the presence of a single guy with a buzz cut behind the wheel.

 

Choose your weapon: You can get away with a lot more in a quiet-looking sedan or wagon (or even a minivan, for that matter) than you ever will in something flashy. Not only are you less likely to be noticed or picked out in the first place (critical to avoiding tickets). But if you end up being pulled over anyhow, the chances of either talking your way out of it or getting the cop to knock the charge down are also much more in your favor. It's easy to play the flustered Family Guy who simply wasn't paying attention to his speed today -- in a station wagon. That's not going to fly in a Corvette. It's just the way the world works. But you can use it to your advantage.

 

2006-04-21 14:59:49