jealousy

This is not quite the usual "political banter" but it DOES talk about truth and lies, and that is the core of what I'm trying to expose.

I’m beginning to realize something about myself. I know…I know…I’m getting older, and most of what I say will become irrelevant to the younger cliques. I realize that all of my jealous moments in the past were based on lies. I didn’t get a chance to be jealous all that often. But the jealousy I felt stemmed from one thing, and one thing only. Some girls told me that I am/was/will be the only one. Some of those girls meant it at the time.

If a girl tells me she loves me that means one thing. If a girl tells me I’m the only one, that’s another. The times that I was jealous were born from this feeling that the particular girl only wanted me. So to see that same girl be close (physically or emotionally) with some other man had a major effect on me.

What if I went into a relationship knowing that I loved a girl and that she loved me, but yet I understood how much fun it was to take life as it comes and kiss other girls, and forgive my girl for kissing other men? I am quickly slipping away from the need to control another’s life. I guess the scary part is this…I may be open, honest and willing to accept a girl’s wishes. But she may wish to have some fun with another man. And that other man may feel the need to keep “his woman” away from any other man that could threaten his hold on this girl.

Can a man like me enjoy the happiness of love? Is there a girl out there that would be herself, refuse to limit herself, and yet still return to me, kiss me, fuck me or whatever else would keep us close?

I have never enjoyed a woman that cared about nothing else as much as she cared about me. I have never found a woman that wanted to be near me, to please me as I please her. I have found women that like to take chances, I’ve found women that enjoyed my company, I’ve found women that like to feel my tongue on her nether regions. I’ve found women that care about people the way I do, I’ve found women that share my sense of humor, I’ve found women that live by the basic values that I live by. But I’ve never found a woman that agrees with my way of living enough to want to be a part of it. Some have said they did, but where are they now?

Can I overcome the jealousies of other men? Can I overcome the labels that have jaded the best of women? Can I be happy with a woman by my side, or do I have to resort to masturbation for the rest of my life? Do I have to be somebody, other than myself, to feel the gentle touch of a woman? To feel like I can say anything to her? To have somebody to love and to hold when I’m fucked?

Y O U T E L L M E !!!!